chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
