you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
