Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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