Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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