I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
