Pappa wants mamma naked
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
