i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize