i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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