You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
