Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
There are leaves in my underwear?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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