I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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