ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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