I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
