I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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