I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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