Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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