There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
