i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
