I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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