either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My vagina is officially offended.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
