i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
