Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
