Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
