Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize