I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
