He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
