so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
