How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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