You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
