Kareoke will never be a sober sport
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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