I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
