He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I need moral support for this bender
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize