If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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