census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
