I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
