I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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