Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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