I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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