how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
