i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
