I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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