i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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