they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
