sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
