And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
