4 words: hood of his car
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
