rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
