I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
