i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
