This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
