there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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