I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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