I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
