well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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