it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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