Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
