As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
