The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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