Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i dont even know how to be here
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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