Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
