I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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