he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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