Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
