Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Randomize
