Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's official drugs can't kill me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
