Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize