Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
