So drunk its hurt
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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