Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
