no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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