I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
