so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
