I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
