Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
