Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
