Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
