Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
