Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
