remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
