using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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