I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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