and you said cock pushups were impossible
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
