he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
