Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You ate ashes out of my bong
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
