I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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