after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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