She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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