so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
