Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
