I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
