maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
