How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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