Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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